Can't I Just Use Scarves Instead?

It's like I'm one of those people who juggles chainsaws. But I dropped one and it cut my arm off. But everyone still expects me to keep juggling. How the fuck am I supposed to juggle chainsaws with one arm? Give me a fucking break. Between my dad and my terrible grades (it's only the 10 week grades and I have 2 B's already) and my possible looming brain condition... I just don't know what to do. It's just so scary and I just... I just want to know everything's all right. Or at least I want to be able to think it is. Plus I've been sleeping horribly and I'm absolutely exhausted :(

Dun dun dun

I'm so damn nervous about Euro next year. All I get at school is people telling me how impossibly hard it is and how I should do anything possible to not have to take it. Then at home everyone's like "Oh yes, you should absolutely take it, you're so good at that sort of thing." NO I'M NOT!!! I'm not good at working hard! I'm a fucking lazy ass! I can't do squat! But I feel like if I don't try then I'm letting myself down. If I don't try then I'm just proving to myself that I'm incapable of achieving anything of importance. So I'm gonna try. Yosh. But I mean, come on... my life will suck for 10 months, and then it will be over. I'm prepared for that (or preparing). And if I fail? So I end up going to Riverside like Stephen... big shit. I'm guaranteed entrance to a UC as a California resident with a G.E.D. So, in conclusion, I think I can do it (I hope to God I can do it). But, hey! If Shira can do it, I can fuckin' do it, right? Gimme a hey, gimme a ho, gimme a let's do this bitch.

Bice likes my teeth?

I forgot to tell you, when we were watching the movie yesterday, I was talking to Ben when Bice suddenly started signalling me and pointing at his teeth. I was like "what?" and he asked if I'd had braces. I said yes and he asked when I got them off. I said like a year ago. Then he said I had nice teeth, which he'd never noticed because I don't smile... that's not weird at all.

When we last left our heroine she was...

... thinking about how her hair sucks balls now. As I said on DA, I went in to get my bangs cut and get my hair layered a little - then the chick cut my bangs way short and gave me this weird fucking bowl cut. So basically my hair sucks balls now. Yes. Also as I said I was really pissed at Bri for giving me the 'what a fucking slut' look Friday night. The movie was good and the position I ended up in (totally comfortable by the way) wasn't entirely my fault. And he kept petting my hair, it was really sweet. Like if a guy she liked wanted to cuddle with her during a movie, whether he liked her or not, would she really not do it? But rant is over, I'm sure she didn't mean to give me that look, etc, etc. Ugh. I hate my fucking hair.

Fruuuustrating...

I've been feeling so stressed lately, but there's nothing to be stressed about. I'm freaking out about the random numbness I've been getting in my arm and foot and Dylan is totally ignoring me (not gonna get all girlishly emotional about that...). I just can't relax. Ugh. Good night.

That's just S.A.D.

Yipee, another Singles Awareness day *sarcasm alert*! I get to spend Valentine's Day singing to an angry three year old! Woot!! Mason's my valentine. oh god, grady just signed on... ugh. He's actually been leaving me alone for the most part lately, he's been annoying this other girl, Morgan. I wonder how long it'll be until she too realizes how creepy and irritating he is... I was really hoping that something would happen today, but that was just my silly romantic notion; of course nothing would, it never does. Oh well... I'm gonna go be emo and watch Monk with my brother and Shari... lol. Byeee

What is up with this?

So I went to the movies last night with Brianne, Megan, Jason, and McNamara. Last time I went to a movie w/ him (yes, I still like, him so shove it) he was sitting next to me but went to get popcorn and Megan stole his seat. When he got back he was really pissed at her, but I assumed that he was mad because that seat was closer to the middle. Then this time he did the same thing (sitting next to me) and before he went to get popcorn he was like "okay, seriously, this is my seat. megan if you take my seat then I'm going to kill you" which was weird because Megan's seat was closer to the middle than his. When he got back he ended up (somehow) with his arm around me. It remained there for the entire movie (I was worried that it might fall asleep >.<) until I went to the bathroom (I went a. because I had to pee terribly and b. to give him a chance to remove his arm without being awkward). When I got back, not only was the arm replaced but he also put up the arm rest in between us and, in an amazing imitation of the 7th grade couple in front of us, I ended up pulled to him with my head on his shoulder (and getting huggles during all the stupid parts of the movie). After it was over we went to Starbucks and there was a steady stream of his slightly awkward sex jokes (the ones you always assume he makes at everyone) directed solely at me... I'm starting to think maybe (just maybe) he likes me... Also I couldn't sleep until 5 in the morning because my dad was running a virus scan on my computer and now I'm sooooo tired... ya... :D

God, Again With the Daddy Issues

It just goes on and on! I've been sitting here playing spider solitaire for the past hour while Stephen was watching The Daily Show (w/ headphones as per my dad's 'request'). Finally my dad sits down and starts watching with him (hypocritical bastard, you're not allowed to scream and rave about the evils of mind melting television, then sit down to laugh at Jon Stewart). So Stephen (since the headphones aren't all that comfortable) asked me if he could turn off the mute. I said it was fine, I wanted to watch The Daily Show too, but my dad says "NO! Don't unmute it!" I waited a little while, then asked why... the answer was (almost word for word): "Because I want to be able to walk away at any time and have peace in the house." I reply "But if you want to leave we can just mute it again!". His answer is "Do you have any reason for wanting it unmuted?" "Because I have my hair in braids and it's uncomfortable to wear headphones." He rolls his eyes in pure derision and tells me "You either watch it muted or not at all!!" "But...!" "I swear, say one more word and I'll go and cut the cable now." *pause as he walks away* "Jackass." This is my life. This is my life. Please don't let this me my life.