Can't I Just Use Scarves Instead?

It's like I'm one of those people who juggles chainsaws. But I dropped one and it cut my arm off. But everyone still expects me to keep juggling. How the fuck am I supposed to juggle chainsaws with one arm? Give me a fucking break. Between my dad and my terrible grades (it's only the 10 week grades and I have 2 B's already) and my possible looming brain condition... I just don't know what to do. It's just so scary and I just... I just want to know everything's all right. Or at least I want to be able to think it is. Plus I've been sleeping horribly and I'm absolutely exhausted :(

Dun dun dun

I'm so damn nervous about Euro next year. All I get at school is people telling me how impossibly hard it is and how I should do anything possible to not have to take it. Then at home everyone's like "Oh yes, you should absolutely take it, you're so good at that sort of thing." NO I'M NOT!!! I'm not good at working hard! I'm a fucking lazy ass! I can't do squat! But I feel like if I don't try then I'm letting myself down. If I don't try then I'm just proving to myself that I'm incapable of achieving anything of importance. So I'm gonna try. Yosh. But I mean, come on... my life will suck for 10 months, and then it will be over. I'm prepared for that (or preparing). And if I fail? So I end up going to Riverside like Stephen... big shit. I'm guaranteed entrance to a UC as a California resident with a G.E.D. So, in conclusion, I think I can do it (I hope to God I can do it). But, hey! If Shira can do it, I can fuckin' do it, right? Gimme a hey, gimme a ho, gimme a let's do this bitch.

Bice likes my teeth?

I forgot to tell you, when we were watching the movie yesterday, I was talking to Ben when Bice suddenly started signalling me and pointing at his teeth. I was like "what?" and he asked if I'd had braces. I said yes and he asked when I got them off. I said like a year ago. Then he said I had nice teeth, which he'd never noticed because I don't smile... that's not weird at all.

When we last left our heroine she was...

... thinking about how her hair sucks balls now. As I said on DA, I went in to get my bangs cut and get my hair layered a little - then the chick cut my bangs way short and gave me this weird fucking bowl cut. So basically my hair sucks balls now. Yes. Also as I said I was really pissed at Bri for giving me the 'what a fucking slut' look Friday night. The movie was good and the position I ended up in (totally comfortable by the way) wasn't entirely my fault. And he kept petting my hair, it was really sweet. Like if a guy she liked wanted to cuddle with her during a movie, whether he liked her or not, would she really not do it? But rant is over, I'm sure she didn't mean to give me that look, etc, etc. Ugh. I hate my fucking hair.

Fruuuustrating...

I've been feeling so stressed lately, but there's nothing to be stressed about. I'm freaking out about the random numbness I've been getting in my arm and foot and Dylan is totally ignoring me (not gonna get all girlishly emotional about that...). I just can't relax. Ugh. Good night.

That's just S.A.D.

Yipee, another Singles Awareness day *sarcasm alert*! I get to spend Valentine's Day singing to an angry three year old! Woot!! Mason's my valentine. oh god, grady just signed on... ugh. He's actually been leaving me alone for the most part lately, he's been annoying this other girl, Morgan. I wonder how long it'll be until she too realizes how creepy and irritating he is... I was really hoping that something would happen today, but that was just my silly romantic notion; of course nothing would, it never does. Oh well... I'm gonna go be emo and watch Monk with my brother and Shari... lol. Byeee

What is up with this?

So I went to the movies last night with Brianne, Megan, Jason, and McNamara. Last time I went to a movie w/ him (yes, I still like, him so shove it) he was sitting next to me but went to get popcorn and Megan stole his seat. When he got back he was really pissed at her, but I assumed that he was mad because that seat was closer to the middle. Then this time he did the same thing (sitting next to me) and before he went to get popcorn he was like "okay, seriously, this is my seat. megan if you take my seat then I'm going to kill you" which was weird because Megan's seat was closer to the middle than his. When he got back he ended up (somehow) with his arm around me. It remained there for the entire movie (I was worried that it might fall asleep >.<) until I went to the bathroom (I went a. because I had to pee terribly and b. to give him a chance to remove his arm without being awkward). When I got back, not only was the arm replaced but he also put up the arm rest in between us and, in an amazing imitation of the 7th grade couple in front of us, I ended up pulled to him with my head on his shoulder (and getting huggles during all the stupid parts of the movie). After it was over we went to Starbucks and there was a steady stream of his slightly awkward sex jokes (the ones you always assume he makes at everyone) directed solely at me... I'm starting to think maybe (just maybe) he likes me... Also I couldn't sleep until 5 in the morning because my dad was running a virus scan on my computer and now I'm sooooo tired... ya... :D

God, Again With the Daddy Issues

It just goes on and on! I've been sitting here playing spider solitaire for the past hour while Stephen was watching The Daily Show (w/ headphones as per my dad's 'request'). Finally my dad sits down and starts watching with him (hypocritical bastard, you're not allowed to scream and rave about the evils of mind melting television, then sit down to laugh at Jon Stewart). So Stephen (since the headphones aren't all that comfortable) asked me if he could turn off the mute. I said it was fine, I wanted to watch The Daily Show too, but my dad says "NO! Don't unmute it!" I waited a little while, then asked why... the answer was (almost word for word): "Because I want to be able to walk away at any time and have peace in the house." I reply "But if you want to leave we can just mute it again!". His answer is "Do you have any reason for wanting it unmuted?" "Because I have my hair in braids and it's uncomfortable to wear headphones." He rolls his eyes in pure derision and tells me "You either watch it muted or not at all!!" "But...!" "I swear, say one more word and I'll go and cut the cable now." *pause as he walks away* "Jackass." This is my life. This is my life. Please don't let this me my life.

Ooooh, I'm Sorry. The Correct Answer Was:

I FUCKING HATE MY DAD!! He's such an asshole! I can't even describe it! He twists everything you say into an argument to use against you! He just now told me that I'm a selfish idiot who thinks everything's about me. Wanna know why? Because I yelled at him to stop making pig noises. Don't laugh because it's seriously not funny. For basically all my life I've been futiley trying to be a vegetarian because I was raised, by Shari, with an immense amount of compassion for the hundreds of sentient creatures slaughtered every day so that gluttons like me can take comfort in stuffing their faces with death. But for some reason I just can't do it! And everytime we eat meat, I'm sure that's an exaggeration but it seems like every time, he makes these stupid animal noises, imitating what we just ate. Every time he does it I tell him to stop because it shoves in my face the fact that by eating that meat I made myself a hypcrite. So this time I told him to stop, but he kept doing it, so I totally blew up and shouted at him to stop. Then it was silent for a long time. When dinner was over he asked me about it, the same way he always does. Calm, polite, friendly, joking even. I always think 'maybe this time will be different, maybe he won't shove his stupid arguments down my throat, maybe he'll listen resonably to what I have to say' but it's never different. Never. So when he asked me why I think he makes those noises, I told him 'I think you make those noises because it irritates me. Not that you know the reason that it irritates me, just to irritate me.' he went on to tell me 'You need to think that maybe it's not (insert derisive, mocking tone here) all about you. Maybe I'm just making those sounds because I feel like it! I'm not going to stop making animal noises at the dinenr table (again with the tone) just becauase YOU tell me to!' so I told him 'Every time you make thoses noises I tell you to stop, it obviously bothers me, so why can't you just stop making the sounds?' and he tells me 'You can't just make everyone around you do what you say! It's your fault, not mine! I'm not making you miserable, you are.' That's when I started crying and walked away, like I always do. Like the idiot I am. He mocked me, he insulted me, he made me cry; because I asked him to stop making pig noises at the dinner table. What the fuck am I supposed to do with my life?

Taking Cues

Ahm gunna copee juuuu!!

Yes, you heard right Brie, I'm about to do the exact same thing you did.

Name: Simone
- S'ok, never liked it that much, but it could be a lot worse XDD. It allows me to look more like your sister Brie (we all have French names >.<)

Appearance: 5'3", 140 lbs; long, curly blonde hair, too pale, blue eyes, normal facial structure, don't like my nose (too wide and annoying), chubby cheeks (blahh), nice cheekbones tho. Very average, very curvy (I like to say not fat... but it's not really my call XDD), not bad on muscle (I can run 2 miles... woot), too big hips.

Clothing: Black or teal/black jeans, t-shirt or tank top, converse or boots or birkenstocks, hoodie. That's pretty much my entire day-to-day wardrobe... woot. I will admit it - I love shopping... just not at designer stores for $500 scarves. Try Target, Hot Topic, H&M, B&N (lol). I like shooooooooooes.

Personality: I'm feminine... right? I mean... I wear make-up, I do girl stuff... I MENSTRUATE AND HAVE BIG BOOBS, ISN'T THAT FEMININE ENOUGH?? Lol, jk. I'm a total nerd/geek and wouldn't hesitate to kick someone's ass (except Pat's... he's kind of scary), but I'm femenine :D I leik boyyyz. But boys don't like me ;g; *sadness* Except Nate. But I don't like Nate. I mean... boys like me... but they don't LIKE me.

What I look for in a guy: Normal hair, brown or dyed, smart, funny, kind of romantic (but not creepily so). Someone I could just hang out with (you know... friends with benefits XDDD). Nice eyes, funny, not into sports (or at least not obsessed with them). I don't really have that high expectations; just a nice guy.

The World: It can be so beautiful, and it's ours for the taking, but we, being stupid, selfish teenagers, look around us and see a bleak, desolate wasteland. We don't look at the blooming roses or raspberries in winter. We don't see the 2 weeks of upcoming vacation (just the 2 weeks of school before it). Everyone says how terrible our world is, but it's also the most beautiful place we'll ever see in this like (it's the only place we'll see!!). Someday the world will open it's arms to us and the emo teenagers will realize what douchebags they are.

Peace out :D

Houston, We Have a Problem

*chht* "I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, I have my period (aka my internal organs are attempting to jump ship), and... okay, I don't have a third thing, but still! The first two suck >.< On a lighter note, I've been having so much fun writing random (sort of terrible) poetry lately! Thanks for reading it, Brie, lol, I love you. I've been writing about 2 poems every day and I'm starting to get better at it. My poetry is getting more structured and is starting to get less and less abstract. I'm actually looking for references and things to write about instead of just sitting around and saying "I'm going to write poetry now." And guess what! I haven't used the word soul for about nine poems! I've used death in, I think, 4, but hey! That's an improvement!! I'm getting less derpressing!! Go me!

I know how totally inspiring this is for you, Brie. If I can find a way to make my poetry not horribly depressing then you can raise your grade in French :) Try not to worry about it too much, it's only going to make things worse. Your smart, I KNOW you can do this, you just have to concentrate. I'll do my part and stop randomly talking to you during class :D

Well, I'm going to get to sleep in the hope of obtaining a full 8 and a half hours of sleep tonight! Oww, my tummy *sadness*" over *chht*

Sexual Harassment!!

I know nobody reads this blog (Brie probably doesn't either since I hardly ever post anymore!), but I just got totally sexually harassed! So I was at Jason's party (my really nice, uber nerdy friend), where Dylan McNamara totally tickle raped me. While Brianne watched. Those bitches. I mean, not really, but still. I got tickled *sadness*. Lol, jk. I mean, not really, but still. Like, it's not serious or anything, but I don't want to look like a slut or something! I didn't ask him to randomly tickle me (LYING ON THE FLOOR W/ HIM ON TOP OF ME!!) for like 20 mins. So ya... that was kind of weird lol. It's not that big of a deal. I'm good. Bye :D

Azula

The finale of Avatar had major Azula character development (i.e. faults). Azula was always sort of the perfect villain, she was in the same league as Voldemort and the Volturi: seemingly unbeatable. But the final episode showed her stupidity and it really made me feel bad for her. Not quite as much as, say, Ari or Zuko since she didn't have that "I just wanted to be loved" thing going for her, but still. She grew up in such a dysfunctional family, what with her mother gone and her father evil incarnate. It's just sad that she, rightly, had no faith in those around her. Obviously this was because she had no reason to trust them, she developed absolutely no personal relationships whatsoever. It was the same with the The Beach, she was incredibly unpopular at the local party merely because she had no experience trying to be liked. She was constantly blocking out every sign of the necessity of love so that she would be able to gain the power she so desired. She found that being feared was much easier than being loved, which is really, really sad since that never works out well.

Also, I read Death Be Not Proud, and Johnny Gunther, to me, is exactly who Edward would have been as a human (if he had an incurable brain tumor (and no I didn't just ruin the story if you haven't read it, you know that from the beginning)) which is cool... exept for the dying part *tear*.

Stupid Dad...

I just want my dad to leave. Seriously. I want him to move out. I used to think of Brie's arrangement like "Poor Brie, she must be so upset that her dad moved out, I love having mine around!", now I'm JEALOUS! Her dad is nice, he takes her to football games, reads books she likes, isn't OBSESSED with her and her sisters doing well in school. I am so goddamn fucking jealous. Not that I hate my dad or anything, I just wish I could have her arrangement, see him every other weekend, something like that. Right now every time I see him it irritates me, just seeing him. If we're watching a movie I just pray that he doesn't join us. When we go places, same deal. I'm terrified that he's going to ruin our trip to Germany. I LOVE Germany, and I only get to go every other year! Now he's going to be like "Oh, let's go talk to the locals, let's do this and that... But wait! You guys made plans? I FUCKING HATE PLANS! Fine! Let's do what you want, I'll just get no input whatsoever and sit over here in this corner and DIE!" NOT THAT HE GIVES ANY INPUT VOLUNTARILY! We have to beat it out of him! He's always condescending or patronizing in some way, it's indefatigable! He perpetually complains about how we're watching too much tv, playing too much computer, WHAT THE FUCK ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? Stephen isn't studying enough? WHAT THE HELL IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING? And he doesn't even try to set limits, it's not like "I want you guys to limit your tv to 2 and a half hours per day" it's "I'M GONNA TAKE AWAY THE DAMN TV, THEN WHAT'LL YOU DO?". He's just a bastard. A bastard that I wish would move out. Unfortunately my mom's income alone wouldn't be enough to sustain us in this house, so... that's not going to happen. Damn. Sorry Brie, I know this post is a hypocritical mess... but still.

First Kiss?

I just had my first kiss playing spin the bottle at a birthday party. It was with a kid named Elijah who I've known (and been very platonic friends with) since fourth grade. It was surprisingly comfortable. I guess I'm just a born romancer >.< jk. It was interesting though, I got to see lots of straight guys kiss each other, that was pretty hilarious. Sooo... peace out y'all :D
-Simone

Gabrielle

Brie, I know this will sound kind of harsh but bear with me it's good. You need to stop being so unnecessarily cynical in your blog. You're really not a huge cynic, trust me, I know you. But I'm the same way, everyone is, stuff sucks more when you're alone, but you need to calm yourself. Of course your mom wants you to be the best you can be, she's your mother! She's trying to help you because she loves you! Writers' block is natural and you'll overcome it. And high school romance? Brie, stop lying to yourself; the moment a nice, smart, sarcastic guy who annoys the hell out of you and makes your insides melt comes along you'll forget you ever scorned "high school romance". Again, trust me, I know you. The message of this entry is: STOP BITCHING. I don't mean stop whining, whining is a necessary part of the human lifecycle, I just mean stop bitching, stop making things worse for yourself. Your life does not suck, nor does mine. We both have people who love us, we're smart, we're not starving prostitutes, and we've got each other (and we're better than Corinne *cough*). Brie, I love you no matter what comes... in the platonic sense of the word... you know what I mean >.< Seriously.

Peace out ^.^

P.S. wall-e was so cute, I saw it with Shira and a bunch of people I don't know.

Blech...

I feel kind of... blech today. Whatever. Not great, not total crap. Just kind of crap. Well, see you later...

Look out Brie...

41%

Just hope our plane doesn't crash land in a desolate area... dun dun dun.

I'm Creative!

73%

WOOT!

Oh ya!

36% Geek

You know you love me... :D